Shower Me With Love

My shower is two days away.  This excites me for multiple reasons.  1) I get to see many family and friends who I don't see often all in one place! 2) I LOVE parties! Especially themed parties, so this is going to be excellent.  3) I get presents...duh.  I am sad that not all of my family and friends can make it, but I know they will be there in spirit.  In lieu of some of my friends and family not being able to make it, I cannot wait to see all the decorations, presents, and people having a good time.  I am very much looking forward to the people closest in my life to all be together in one place, celebrating ME AND MY FUTURE HUBBIE(who won't be there, cuz its just girls, uh duh)!!!  The cake? Mine! The food? Mine too! Pretty decorations? Oh yeah, mine! Presents? ALL MIIIIIINE!

"Mine" birds from Finding Nemo

I am, however, a little worried about this party.  I didn't get engagement photos done and I didn't do a bridal portrait shoot.  So this will really be the first time that all the attention is on me.  This makes me nervous.  I don't do well with public speaking, if I notice in a group setting that all ayes are on me I get embarrassed, and I even turn red when people sing happy birthday to me in just a family setting.  I have a VERY "out there" personality that seems to draw attention, yet I am not comfortable with the attention.  It's a very strange combination because I am very loud and sometimes a little obnoxious(so I am told, I disagree), however I am not one of those people all about "me" and wanting constant attention.

One absolutely ridiculous reason I am not looking forward to the shower? Are you ready for this?  Candid photos.  UGH! I hate, hate, HATE the way I look when I don't know a picture is being taken.  I always manage to have six chins, crossed eyes, and a booger in my nose.  It's like when I know a photo is about to be taken, all my skin tightens and I get tanner.  When I don't know a photo is being taken, the camera seems to wash me out, wrinkle my skin, and give me extra rolls and/or facial features.

Did not know photo was being taken/ Knew photo was being taken

Case in point! That is the same night, same outfit...TWO DIFFERENT FACES! Is that not enough evidence for you? Here look at this. Same day, same spot...one face has two chins, but one face has one. Can you guess which shot I didn't know was being taken?

I truly hate it.  I don't understand how I can possibly look so different just because I don't know a photo is being taken.  Am I being dramatic? Nope, absolutely not. This is a legit reason to not want to attend your own bridal shower.  I'll look back at pictures and get really sad that I have 18 chins and cellulite on my arms.  The time I am most anxious about these pictures being taken?  When opening up the gifts.  That's when LOTS of pictures will get taken.  This is what I imagine my photos will look like.

Mad photoshop skillz, y'all

Ugh...no me gusta.  That is NOT how a woman should look at her shower, yet I can pretty much guarantee that I will, minus the onesie.  At the bridal showers and baby showers I have been to, I have always been relieved that I wasn't the one on everyone's mind.  I tend to get red, loud, and really sarcastic when I get nervous.  Freud would probably give me some sort of weird diagnosis, because in all reality, it makes no sense to feel strange being the center of attention yet get LOUDER as a way to try to fix the situation.  I hope at my shower, it doesn't turn into an awkward turtle situation.  

I am really looking forward to it though. I think in a way it will prepare me for the wedding day.  I would much rather be an awkward turtle at my shower than at the wedding.