Bridesmaids Role According To My Bridesmaids

I have 5-7 bridesmaids depending on how you look at it.  2 of them are my maids of honor, the rest are bridesmaids.  According to a few of my bridesmaids, their job is to be in the wedding. That's it.  They don't help with wedding tasks, they don't really do anything.  They have said "me being in your wedding is my gift to you"...um, kthanks.  That is truly all I wanted...ever...in life.  Considering how much I am "DIY"-ing in this wedding, you would think that I would be super mad at my bridesmaids and get all bridezilla on them.  But honestly, I am not.  Yeah sometimes I am super stressed and need their help.  But at the end of the day, I chose them to stand by my side on the biggest day of my life, not be my minions.  Do I appreciate the help that some of the other bridesmaids have given me? OF COURSE! But I don't require my bridesmaids to be my slaves.  It was my decision to do a lot of things myself instead of buying them.  Thankfully, my mother is helping A TON!  Without her, maybe I would have been on my bridesmaids more to help.  But in all reality, I just need them to be by my side, look pretty (easy for them), and have fun. Bam, bridesmaids in a nutshell.

That's my bridesmaid in a nutshell

According to wikipedia, "The bridesmaids are members of the bride's wedding party in a wedding. A bridesmaid is typically a young woman, and often a close friend or sister. She attends to the bride on the day of a wedding or marriage ceremony. Traditionally, bridesmaids were chosen from unwed young women of marriageable age."  Nowhere does it say slave or minion.  I'm beginning to think that the role for a bridesmaid has somehow gotten altered throughout the years.  I am assuming it went something like the game telephone; "bridesmaids" got lost in translation.

Now, maid of honor is a different story. Maid of honor DOES have a few more responsibilities.  Like the bridal shower and bachelorette party and a few things directly on the wedding day.  But that's about it.  I was watching a "Bachelorette Party Las Vegas" episode and there was a bride who has actually KICKED OUT her MOH AND 2 bridesmaids.  I mean seriously?  She had weekly bridesmaids meetings and if they didn't show up, they're kicked out. Also if they do something to upset her, they get kicked out. It was like Hitler + Bridezilla = this woman.  

I realize that my post has gotten a little off topic.  Started out being about bridesmaids and somehow, like the game of telephone, has turned into a different post.  For the most part though, my topic has stayed the same.  It's my definition (and my bridesmaids's definitions) of what a bridesmaid is.  My bridesmaids are not the most "GUNG HO - let's help out the bride" type of people, but they are there when it counts the most to me.  They are there for emotional support, there to lend a helping hand, there to visit vendors with me when I need someone else's opinion.  I don't want a bunch of people following me around everywhere I go, tiptoeing as to not upset me.  I don't want droids in an assembly line doing what I say.  I want the people I chose to be by my side and be the people that I fell in love with.  Everyone has their own life, and obviously their lives don't revolve around my wedding.  Nobody is as obsessed with it as I am, so why put the pressure on other people?  They're my friends, my family, my confidantes, my bridesmaids.  I do not own them, I do not control them.  They help when I ask, and sometimes even help when I don't ask.  My one sister helped me lick envelopes for thank you's the other day, and that was SO sweet.  I had no intention of having her help.  I was stuffing thank you's while we were watching TV and she volunteered to help.  THAT is why I chose my bridesmaids.  That, and because they're frickin awesome.  I appreciate their help so much, but I honestly don't feel like I expect it.  When it comes closer to the wedding, I know they'll be helping me out more as I need it.  But that's it, and that's all that matters.  


Do you expect a lot from your bridesmaids?  Did you when you were engaged?  What makes a bridezilla feel so entitled?

I've Been Missing And I Know It

Is there a word for feeling even more than overwhelmed? Like...overwhelmed ^ overwhelmed power?  Because that describes me lately.  I LOVE writing, in fact writing is what calms me down. Yet lately I don't even have time or motivation to write. My brain is everywhere, I can't pinpoint what I am thinking, and I certainly can't get it written down.  My normal "million miles a minute" seems like a vacation from the way my mind is working now.  It's actually quite frustrating.  I haven't gotten good sleep, my hunger comes in spurts (no hunger then binge eating the next week), and I can't tell up from down.  I am not sure what's going on.  The wedding is fast approaching, but I have a lot of the wedding tasks done.  Honestly, if I made myself sit down and do nothing but wedding tasks for just one weekend, I would be completely finished.  I truly don't have a lot left.  So why do I feel so stretched?

My dress is in and it fits, my veil is in, my shoes are in, my vendors are almost all paid for, my honeymoon is booked and paid for, everything is ordered, only a couple RSVP are outstanding...so what the golly?


I feel like I am in a Japanese movie that has been translated to English.  My mouth does not match what I am thinking OR what I am saying.  I can't seem to focus, can't seem to prioritize, and can't pinpoint what I am thinking.  I know I have been sick for a few weeks, but that shouldn't be affecting my brain. Should it?  I know lack of sleep can make someone lose their mind, but I feel like losing my mind is CAUSING my lack of sleep.  Stupid cycle.

I wish I could figure out where my anxiety is coming from, but I can't. Which makes it hard to talk myself out of this nonsense.  I'll just keep swimming, I know all will be ok.

Purse-ing It Up

Here is a decision I never thought I would have to make regarding my wedding.  Do I do a money dance?  

I have had my coordinator and DJ ask me that question and at the time I said I don't know.  However, while reading my ever faithful Wedding Bee, I saw a post where a bride was wondering the same thing.  Should she do a money dance?  And it made me realize I only have a month and a half before my wedding and I need to make this decision.  Why do I need to make it so soon?  Well first of all, I'll need a purse, something I originally opted out of because I figured I would lose it.  Secondly, I'll need to tell my coordinator so she can put it in the timeline.


What is a money dance?  Basically guests give money to dance with the bride.  It's a fun way for the couple to make money for their honeymoon and also gives guests one on one time with the bride which is hard to come by.  Once you give money for a dance, you dance with the bride until someone else gives money.  I have a feeling this could turn into a competition with my friends and family, but a FUN competition.


It's not a big deal either way.  But it is something I need to consider.  There are a few downsides.  First, what if nobody pays...and I just stand there...alone...rejected by my guests.  


Second, I look like a fool when I dance.  If people are paying to dance with me, they should get a good dancer.  Not this.

Last downside is that I really don't know if I want people to feel obligated to give us even more than they already have.  While I know this is a fun tradition in many cultures, I don't know if it's worth it to seem like we expect even more from our guests.


I think our deciding factor will be whether or not it is something that either of our families think is appropriate.  If it turns out that one of our family members thinks this is part of their culture, we'll do it.  Otherwise, I think we'll decide this isn't for us.  But who knows, it's always nice to have some more money.

Needing Some Socks

I have noticed "cold feet" is not something you hear brides talking about.  They talk about the excitement, the vendors, the drama with the bridal party, etc., but not cold feet.  It's almost taboo to discuss cold feet.  If you discuss it, you risk looking like you're not dedicated, not in love, or even getting married for the wrong reasons.  People who are married don't seem to remember that they once had cold feet, and people who aren't married don't understand what it's like to fear your life changing forever.  When I say fear, I don't mean "OMG THIS IS THE WORST DECISION I EVER MADE!! HOW AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS!!" but more like "How will I be as a wife?  Will I live up to the expectations?  How will it change me as a person to be married?"


I have noticed that it seems to be more common for men to admit to cold feet.  However, women get cold feet just as often.  Women are just more afraid to admit it.  Men see it as a normal right of passage.  Women see it as being a bad, naughty bride.

No, not this kind of naughty bride

In reading more about cold feet, aka pre wedding jitters, I learned it gets even MORE common 1-2 months out from the wedding date.  I hit my two month countdown on October 16...could explain my high levels of anxiety lately... and my crankiness.  Thankfully I decided to reach out to friends, my fiance, and the ever faithful Google to find out about cold feet.  I learned it's very common, it doesn't mean you are marrying the wrong person, and the cold feet go away.  


I read a really good article on The Knot.com that explained a lot about cold feet and even gave a REALLY good description of things that they feel are real reasons to call off or postpone a wedding.  Luckily, I suffer from absolutely none of those worries.  My worries stem most from just the anxiety of everything changing and the wedding fast approaching.  I am actually really glad I reached out to people and read on this topic because it's something that I really think you need to tell someone about.  When you voice it out loud that you're having doubts, you realize how stupid the doubts are.  To sit there saying "I love this person, we get along wonderfully, they're my best friend, they're always there for me, they will make a wonderful parent...but I am not sure I should marry them" really makes a person aware of the fact that what they're worrying about is normal and absurd.


Cold feet are normal and manageable, so just bring me a pair of socks.

No Peeksies!

I am one of the most impatient people I know.  I always ruin my surprises by finding things out that I later regret.  Christmas gifts, birthday surprises, etc.  I know that I will regret it, yet I ALWAYS act like a CIA agent and try to find things out. Like Brad Pitt in "Burn After Reading"...big, clumsy spy who gets myself in trouble.

My "spy-ing" ways is not a new thing. I have done it my whole life.  So I decided when it comes to my wedding, for the first time in my life I need to keep surprises.  But what surprises are in a wedding you ask?  Well, many my loyal readers, MANY.


The most important surprise in the wedding is my wedding gown, in my opinion.  I knew from day one that I did not want Eric to know what my wedding gown looked like.  That is not only a surprise, but a tradition that I really wanted us to partake in.  I really look forward to the moment he sees me for the first time in my wedding gown, all dolled up.


One thing we decided to do though so that he felt involved in the wedding gown selection process was for him to choose an image of a gown that he thought I would wear and put it in an envelope.  We decided that would be a really cute idea.  On the wedding night, I'll open the envelope and see if his idea of my perfect wedding gown is the same as my actual wedding gown.  I am really looking forward to this.  I think it makes for a cute moment we'll always remember and I cannot wait to put it in my scrapbook.


I know that most people probably don't think that's a cool idea, but this is OUR wedding and we decided to do that in lieu of many other things.  One thing we are opting out if is the ever-so-popular "First Look" session.

Those of you not involved in the wedding world, a first look is when the bride and groom see each other before the wedding ceremony.  It helps give them a moment of peace and calmness before the most important time of their life.  A lot of people absolutely love the first look.  They say it relaxes them, bonds them, and helps the groom gather himself before standing at the altar.  The amount of emotions running through a bride and groom as the bride walks down the aisle are ridiculous.  Add to that the awe a groom feels when he sees the woman he loves all dolled up can sometimes make it overwhelming, so I understand why people like the first look session.  Also, you get amazing photos like this.

They're beautiful photos and I love the emotion in the faces, but they ruin the surprise.  As much as I love these types of pictures, I really want to be a surprise to Eric when I walk down the aisle.  I am, however, worried that I am going to be a hot mess.  One solution to this problem could be to do a modified first-look session.  We could do a first look session where we don't actually see each other.  You don't understand do you?  Well, here are some examples.

I REALLY like this idea.  The photos are beautiful, you see the excitement on the faces, and it doesn't ruin the surprise of how they look on the big day.  Downside?  Knowing me, I would trip and ruin my dress and he would see how I look.  Oopsies, that would be a big poopsies.  I can't trust that I will be careful and not let him see me.  Knowing me, I would stand near a mirror and not know it and he would see everything.  Another downside, I truly don't know if this would calm me down or stress me out more not being able to see him but being able to hold his hand.  I truly don't know if I would get too anxious that way.


Regardless of whether or not we do a no-look first-look, I know we don't want to see each other before the big moment.  No looksies for us.  While a lot of our wedding may be non-traditional, we have decided that we want the whole traditional "don't see each other the day of the wedding" thing.  Will this cause extra stress and anxiety? Yeah maybe.  But it will also lead to a moment that I have always looked forward to as a kid.  

Who Thought This Would be a Good Idea?

When I first got engaged, I thought that planning a wedding in 8 months would be easy-shmeezy.  I mean come on, I LOOOVE throwing parties.  I thrive off planning events.  So when it came to throwing the biggest party of my life, I knew I had it in the bag.  Well, I was on cloud 9 planning the wedding for the first few months.  Yeah it was stressful, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.  I had NO clue why so many brides complained about wedding planning.  Well about two weeks ago, I got slapped in the face by reality.

The 60 day countdown began.  For any bride that is a stressful time.  60 days is when everything starts being due.  Money, forms, song requests, menu options, guest counts, and the list goes on!  UGH! That's a whole bunch of stuff that I now have to do.  However, it's completely manageable.    All I have to do is find all my paperwork from my millions of vendors and complete it.  It's really not that bad.  So what then is stressing me out so much? I planned a wedding for the week before Christmas...in only 8 months.

Bring on the stress relievers!  In the 60 days before my wedding, there is enough stuff going on to stress out even Martha Stewart.  This is already a stressful time for a bride, but then you add in these:

1. Halloween - not necessarily stressful, but spending money on a costume, thinking of the perfect theme, decorating, going to parties...yeah takes up a lot of time and money
2. Bachelorette party - a frickin awesome time...but requires money again.  And even though it's my party, I'm still stressing out about the plans and how it goes and how to wear my hair, how to do my makeup, what to wear, wondering if my shoes will match my outfit, thinking about whether or not I should bring a camera....LOTS of little things that normally aren't stressful
3. Gettin muh hurr did - Normally I love getting my hair done.  However, the stylist I have gone to for 6 years is moving away. What does that mean? That means I have to get my hair done in early November.  Which means it may not look all that glamorous on my wedding day.  However, going to a new stylist before my wedding is really not an option.  It took me forever to get my hair the way I have it now and I am not risking my hair getting ruined.
4. Thanksgiving - not stressful, but HALLOOOOO! I gotta wear the most important dress of my life less than three weeks after Thanksgiving.  I can't stuff my face like I usually do. That's a sad day for me
5. Rehearsal dinner - I need a final guest count, I need to make sure that the venue is booked, and I need to make sure I have enough dinero for it.  Oh...and I have to be SURE the dress I ordered fits.  
6. The Wedding - AAAAAAAAAAH SSSSSSSSTRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!
7. Christmas - So I LOVE Christmas.  It truly is the most wonderful time of the year.  However, normally by September I have my Christmas shopping done.  However, due to other things taking precedence, I only have two people done.  Two people out of about 25 people.  That is NOT ok.  
8. Honeymoon - I have absolutely nothing to wear yet for my honeymoon.  I don't own a single pair of shorts, I have swim suits but I would like to get ones I don't mind being seen in public wearing, and I don't own any "hiking through the forest" types of shoes.  Oh...and I am not at my honeymoon weight or honeymoon tan.
9. Moving - Am I moving? Am I not?  This is a big stressor on me right now.

All of those things normally don't stress me out TOO much (ok, I lie, I stress about what color to paint my toes so OF COURSE these things stress me out) but usually the stress I incur is a fun kind of stress.  Not a "will I get this all done and will I be able to do it without selling a kidney" stress.  I know at the end of this year I am going to look back and think about how wonderful everything was.  I'll have pictures to remind me of everything that I did in 2011 and I will have a husband.  But right now, it's hard to not live in the moment and think about everything I still have to do.  So can someone please tell me why nobody told me that this would be a bad idea?

Hello? Is Anybody Out There?

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  I'm back.  Where have I been you ask? Sick :( No, my fingers did not fall off.  I COULD have written a blog. However I had no inspiration while I was sick.  All I wanted to do was sit on my couch watching TV or hanging out with my family.  Made for little inspiration or motivation.  However, I am BACK! YAHOO!  Hopefully my posts will be frequent and good. It's crunch time.  We have less than two months until my wedding, Christmas is coming up, it's Halloween time, and it's almost New Years! Holy cow that's a lot of stuff going on!!

I am so excited for everything coming up.  Means I'll be super busy, but I LOVE being busy.  Sorry to all my loyal followers (all two of you) for being MIA but you can count on me being back and ready to entertain you!