I've Been Missing And I Know It

Is there a word for feeling even more than overwhelmed? Like...overwhelmed ^ overwhelmed power?  Because that describes me lately.  I LOVE writing, in fact writing is what calms me down. Yet lately I don't even have time or motivation to write. My brain is everywhere, I can't pinpoint what I am thinking, and I certainly can't get it written down.  My normal "million miles a minute" seems like a vacation from the way my mind is working now.  It's actually quite frustrating.  I haven't gotten good sleep, my hunger comes in spurts (no hunger then binge eating the next week), and I can't tell up from down.  I am not sure what's going on.  The wedding is fast approaching, but I have a lot of the wedding tasks done.  Honestly, if I made myself sit down and do nothing but wedding tasks for just one weekend, I would be completely finished.  I truly don't have a lot left.  So why do I feel so stretched?

My dress is in and it fits, my veil is in, my shoes are in, my vendors are almost all paid for, my honeymoon is booked and paid for, everything is ordered, only a couple RSVP are outstanding...so what the golly?


I feel like I am in a Japanese movie that has been translated to English.  My mouth does not match what I am thinking OR what I am saying.  I can't seem to focus, can't seem to prioritize, and can't pinpoint what I am thinking.  I know I have been sick for a few weeks, but that shouldn't be affecting my brain. Should it?  I know lack of sleep can make someone lose their mind, but I feel like losing my mind is CAUSING my lack of sleep.  Stupid cycle.

I wish I could figure out where my anxiety is coming from, but I can't. Which makes it hard to talk myself out of this nonsense.  I'll just keep swimming, I know all will be ok.